Pathetic

Sometimes I feel like such a girl

I spent most of my day today feeling like crap. I got hit with dizziness and the feeling of my head imploding. It got gradually worse as the morning went on until Ginny and Anita sent me home from the stables to rest and get warm. It took me forever to warm up, even with two jumpers and a blanket and a hot drink.

I felt terrible, being so wimpy. But it was killing me, and I felt completely drained of all energy. Just keeping my eyes open and thinking of how to explain to people what was wrong took so much effort. I’m sincerely hoping it’s not a lasting thing and that it’s just to do with being a bit run down. I hate feeling ill.

It was such a stupid thing to end up having to deal with. I felt bad leaving the others at the yard to do everything, and was worried that I was basically going to be seen as not pulling my weight. Fortunately, there wasn’t a whole lot going on at the centre today, which meant that they coped okay being one man down. Everyone was nice to me about it, and told me to just rest up and feel better, but I still felt shitty about it all.

And the worst part is that all I really wanted was a cuddle from my Dad and to curl up on the sofa with Ruby and talk quietly to my Mum. I’m a big girl now, so I guess I ought to get over it.  I’d still like to do that, because it’s always that kind of thing that makes me feel better when I’m not 100% like this. But I can’t, so I’ll make do with the company I have here. No Dalmatian to squeeze though. Sadface.

Tillie was lovely to me actually, which kinda made up for the lack of mum and dad time. She made sure I was warm enough, kept me drinking water and forced me to eat lunch. I mumbled and grumbled at her at the time, but she was being sensible.

I pretty much passed out this afternoon when everyone went off after lunch. I think I only slept for about an hour and a half, but I feel a bit better for it. Still kinda crappy and my head still has a dull ache, but I’m everso slightly more alive now. Hopefully with a good dinner and a decent night’s sleep I’ll be back to myself tomorrow.

Which is very important because tomorrow is Tillie’s birthday so I want to be super happy and awake for her. I think the plan is to go to the cinema in Killarney to watch “World’s End” in the evening. That should be pretty cool and I think almost everyone is coming, so it’ll be nice. Hopefully she’ll feel suitably birthday-ed despite having to work at the stables for most of the day.

I wish I could bring my family over here. I think they’d love some of the activities. It’s such a beautiful place as well and I know they’d appreciate that. Also, then I could get those hugs.

Yeah, you heard right the first time. I’m actually wanting a hug for once. Pah. The irony is, if my daddy wasn’t so far away, I probably wouldn’t want one. Stupid old world.

Stupid old me.

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