Holding On

Somehow, I got through the day.

Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up, that something is intrinsically wrong? I felt like that this morning. I still can’t work out why. But I spent all day just feeling wrong and weird. And mostly sad.

I think it helped that I had to focus on getting things done on the yard. Because I didn’t have time to dwell on my peculiar mood. Instead I had to get it together and work with the others to make sure everything got done on time. Which we did,brilliantly, of course. It did mean that I felt like I was hanging on by a thread though. I kept going and worked hard and pushed myself into whatever it was I had to do each time, but I just couldn’t shake that feeling. That feeling that there was something desperately wrong.

I rode the Brynster today. He’s so big. I found it a bit tricky to do a lot with him though as there were five other horses and riders in the arena and the sheer size of that horse makes manoeuvring quite tricky. All I could really do was work on his reluctance to move onto the track on the left rein, and get his trot under control because his inclination was to tank off. He was a good boy, as always, but I didn’t feel like I achieved a lot. I guess some days are just like that though.

We finished yards well ahead of schedule this afternoon, surprising ourselves along with Kelly. It was a particularly efficient day by all accounts. Everything on the list of jobs got ticked off, and we worked off our own backs rather than being instructed every step of the way. In that respect, it was a good day. We showed that as a group of students, we are capable of pulling together as a team and getting the job done. Very commendable indeed.

My mum is back from Eastbourne now. I’m at my grandmother’s, but she phoned to let us know that she was home safe. She sounded exhausted. I rather wanted to give her a hug. She’s a lovely mum. We chatted for a little bit, which was nice. And she told me she was very lucky to have such a wise daughter. Which made me laugh. She doesn’t have one of those. Only me. And I’m not wise at all. I’m a bigger fool than most, in fact.

I still cannot work out why I have this strange sadness on me. But I’m pretty sure I will survive. That’s if Kat doesn’t come back from China to kill me because I just remembered something amazing.
I can’t remember where it started or why, but this is how it ended:

I have always been a creative person. Shame I poured it into creating peculiar love scenes between Kat and her one true love, Shrek, rather than doing my University work. Paha.

She’s going to kill me.


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