It doesn’t take much.
You know how some mornings you wake up and the only thought going through your head is “no” ? Yeah, thought so. That was me this morning. I was seriously concerned that I physically wasn’t going to be able to haul myself out of bed. The fact that I rolled onto my face probably didn’t help. This morning was really not very convincing.
I did have the rather terrifying experience of watching the front of a lorry get within six inches of the side of my car. Jeez, I was holding my breath the entire time. I should note, I was parked at the time! A lorry was manoeuvring around the campus car park so that it could reverse into one of the fields (I was desperately hoping the horses had already been caught in…) which involved about a three billion point turn. One of these points happened to be at the exact place in which I was parked so all I could do was sit there and watch this enormous vehicle inch ever closer to Little Blue. Talk about heart stopping! It was almost worse than that time my mum reversed into my car….except it didn’t hit me.
Most of the day felt like a bit of a waste of time to be honest. I wandered my way through, not really committed to anything because I just didn’t have the energy today. All the work we did was easy. It didn’t stimulate anything in my brain at all. Probably the most exciting thing to happen was being allocated our steward points for the fun ride and planning what we were going to take to set up camp for the day. Tillie and I are on a road crossing point, being adults and all, so we’re planning on having some camping chairs and food and thermos’s full of tea and crossword puzzles and music to rave to. We’ll also be wearing hi-vis gear and luminous socks. Cool doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Until around half 2 I was feeling pretty meh about everything. I wasn’t even upset or annoyed, just completely underwhelmed. That is until I started talking to the ever wonderful Mr Jeremy Parris. For some reason I popped onto facebook on my phone in between lessons. When I saw Jeremy was online I sent him a brief shout (quite literally), as is usually necessary with friends you don’t see often. I wasn’t expecting a reply, but it then said he was typing, and thus began the conversation that made my day.
I did think he was drunk at first given the random list of activities he suggested I try as a way of alleviating my college induced ennuie. Turns out, he was just being Jeremy. A little strange, but lovely nonetheless. I am going to have to confess at this point, and I do hope Simon won’t be too hurt, but I did suggest to Jeremy that I may have to marry him one of these days. Oh come on, he said that if he was here he’d give me tea and a back rub and declared it to be the ‘god honest truth.’ He had me at tea. How could I NOT want to marry him after that? To make it even better, he then promised that should I decide marry him, I would be cherished and, the icing on the cake, get hulk toast every morning. I mean…come on now. Sorry Simon…you’d better step it up a gear or I’m off to Arkansas.
There you go Mum, you need not panic. I have prospects after all. Hurrah.
So yes. Mr Parris made my day today. I needed that conversation more than I realised actually. After that chat I felt lighter and easier and happier. Like things were golden, even though there was no sunlight. Now that is what friends are for.
I find myself with a few hours of complete solitude. Something that seems less and less common to me these days. I can’t say it isn’t welcome actually. I have music, and due to the lightness I now feel in my soul, I am dancing around a little bit and singing along.
I have found the words for the way I now feel. Three words that are so very important because they describe a way of being that makes the world a much brighter place. It is so very easy to let go and forget to feel this way but when you manage to maintain it, life is that bit better.
Joie de vivre.
There is joy to be found, just in being alive (not a translation)
And I am very much alive.