How To Find Your Pain Threshold

We all have one..

..and there’s a very simple way to find out where yours lies. Some have them higher than others, but follow these three simple steps and you’ll discover your own unique pain threshold guaranteed or your money back.

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Step One

Sign up to a full time course in something extremely physical and totally out of your comfort zone. If you’ve never ridden a horse before, I suggest an Equine Management course. Fairly soon your thighs will burn, your arms will ache so much you’ll think they’re dropping off, your hands and feet will throb and blister and your back and stomach muscles will refuse to work together, instead deciding to spasm when you least expect it. If you make it through all this without collapsing…move on to step two.

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Step Two.

Now that you’re fitter and stronger than you were before, you’ll need to work even harder to find that pain threshold. I suggest working with larger horses. If you have access to one, spend as much time as you can with a 19hh Shire horse. Probability dictates that the longer you spend in proximity to a horse with feet the size of your head, the more likely it is that he will, at some point, stomp on your foot. When the inevitable happens, your reaction will dictate how close you are to your threshold. A polite “Excuse me, you’re standing on my foot” indicates someone with a higher pain threshold than “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”. If, however, you are still able to handle it, you have no choice but to move on to step three.

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Step Three.

Hurl yourself off a horses back into a fence. If the fence doesn’t break, get back on and try again until it does. You haven’t fallen hard enough until you’ve broken something solid. If, two days later, you are able to breathe deeply without wincing, laugh without crying and change gear in your car without shouting at the top of your lungs, then congratulations; you have a high pain threshold. If you find that the above are all common reactions, however, then I welcome you to the club of the low pain threshold. It’s an agonising place to be.

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Join us again next week for our annual “Bruise Of The Year” competition. Send us a picture of your brightest bloom and our panel of judges will decide which is the most impressive. Those of you trying the above steps will probably be in the running for the top prize of a tube of arnica cream and some ibuprofen.

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January is not my month!

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