Accumulation

Get on with it January!

I can’t quite put my finger on it. It could be to do with the fact that I am incredibly tired at the moment, to the point that I keep zoning out completely and end up trying to work out how I got from one place to the next. It could be to do with my back still causing me a fair deal of pain. Sometimes I barely notice it, and then it flares up and makes me want to cry. I coughed yesterday. Mistake. All I wanted to do was curl into a ball and whimper. But curling up hurts too. Argh! Or it could be to do with the fact that January is taking forever. I swear it’s always the longest month. Every year, January just drags on and on and on and on. And it bugs me.

Basically, I’m not feeling too hot right now. My body is making me sad with the pain and the exhaustion. This month is the longest I’ve ever experienced. How is it only the 24th?! It feels like the year just isn’t going anywhere. And financially I am so far up shit creek I wonder if I’ll ever find my way back home. I keep worrying that I’m damaging my car because try as I might, there are some potholes I just can’t avoid. The roads are disastrous at the moment. The future looms ahead of me with cloudy uncertainty and every time I look out of the window it’s pouring with rain. I look in the mirror and see a girl with spaced out eyes and dark circles.

Not a lot is going right really. Apart from the horses. But then I’m so inexorably tired that being on the yard just finishes me. And these assignments. Oh. I look at this list and wonder…how will I ever get through them all? I’ll need another three years at the rate I’m able to work at the moment. Turns out, working two jobs, going to college, travelling and trying to recuperate in between doesn’t leave an awful lot of time for assignment work. Sigh.

It’s an accumulation of things. I know that. And I know that things will sort themselves out and I’ll find myself back on an even keel before too long. It’s just that everything seems to happen all at once and I end up wondering how on earth I’ll make it through the next few days.

I hate winter.

I like this band though. My brother introduced me to them. They’ve become something of a staple on my driving playlist. I really like the way they sound. If you have a minute, have a listen:

Have a lovely weekend one and all. And don’t you worry…I’ll be back to normal soon. Just a brief spat of feeling low. I’ll get back on a horse and I’ll feel right again. You’ll see. I’m always smiling when I’m on a horse. It’s like a reflex.

See.

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