Oh For Goodness Sake!

I’ve just about had enough to be honest!

Some days you stay on the horse and have a great riding lesson, other days your pony refuses to canter choosing to buck buck buckaroo instead and you come off. For the second time in as many months. Bloody horses.

I landed on my feet though. Well. Almost. I landed, and then my ankle rolled and I plopped onto my bum. So now my ankle hurts and is slightly swollen. Brilliant.

I love it when horses buck. It’s just the most fun! Being carted around the school by a rude bucking pony is just my favourite thing to do. Oh waitno….the other thing!

According to spectators it was an entertaining fall, as my legs almost came up over my head. Amy told me that her main thought while watching was “oh well she’s flexible”. I certainly didn’t feel it at the time. I had this very surreal split second of feeling like I was actually flying, because my right leg had come up and over the horse but my left foot was still in the stirrup and I still had hold of the reins. I felt kinda like a circus acrobat. Albeit with far less poise.

(Drawing by Suzy Spence)

Urgh. That horse.

Not as bad as poor old Becky, who has ended up with a seriously bruised hip thanks to her fall just before the start of the lesson. Bless her. She was hobbling about the yard afterwards trying to do stuff, with the rest of us chasing her around telling her to stop and rest. I guess that’s just what horsey people do though. Ignore the pain and keep doing stupid things anyway.

Because you just know I’ll be back on a horse tomorrow. Unless, of course, my ankle turns into a balloon. In which case, maybe not. I’m totally fed up with being injured now though. Seriously. It’s getting a bit annoying. My first thought when I realised I was leaving the saddle today was “Oh for goodness sake, not again”.

I think perhaps I would feel less frustrated if I weren’t still sore from my escapade three weeks ago. It keeps holding me back, making me feel less confident than I should be. Like today, when I got back on what I really wanted to do was haul him back out on the left rein and make him canter properly. But because of my ribs, I didn’t have the confidence that I could do that without damaging myself further. So I ended up wimping out and going off on the right rein instead, cantering the way I knew was safe.

And people say I have no self preservation!

Self preservation is getting in my way. It’s stopping me from riding the way I want to. I feel like I’m losing confidence in what I’m doing, and like I’m not achieving anything anymore. If my back and side didn’t hurt so much still, maybe I’d believe I could do it. But I’m constantly in fear of hurting myself more. And while I know that’s sensible, because it means I’m less likely to end up with severe internal bleeding or anything like that, it’s also bloody annoying when it comes to progressing with my riding.

I seriously feel like I’ve lost something. And that worries me a little. Because I feel like it was that something that allowed me to get as far as I’ve got in the time I have. And now it’s gone, whatever it is, I don’t know if it’ll come back.

And if it doesn’t come back?

What do I do then?

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2 thoughts on “Oh For Goodness Sake!

  1. Oh noes! So sorry to hear about this. Year of the horse doesn’t seem to be year of the riders so far!

    Don’t worry about not progressing (easy to say, harder to do, I know) because this is just a little blip, and although it feels like a long time when things aren’t going well it really isn’t a long time and you will heal and your confidence will heal too! I believe in you.

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