God Damnit!

This keeps happening!

Every time I think I’m managing to keep myself distanced from the horses at college and not allowing myself to end up all emotionally attached, I end up loving them more than ever.

I adore Fox, we all know that. And every so often I try to remind myself that although I love him, he is not mine and therefore I should not allow myself to get too attached. But then he goes and does something wonderful and reminds me just how much I love him!

I jumped him again today, and he rose to the occasion, as per. I did too, of course. But he was super fabulous. And then Sonya told me that after my lesson on Wednesday, Georgie went and requested for me to continue jumping him as she felt we gelled well. Which just made my heart swell. Because something about that horse makes me feel good. I get on him, and I just feel confident and happy and like I can do anything.

I wish I was at an appropriate place, financially and practically, to be able to own a horse. Because I’d buy him in a heartbeat. I know people might think I’m crazy to say that, because everyone thinks he’s an idiot and difficult and not a horse anyone would want to own. But I love that horse.

Stupid feels. Try as I might, I can’t send them away.

Damnit.

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2 thoughts on “God Damnit!

  1. We lock eyes and our souls meet…That is how I have chosen all the horses I own. I do not envy your position as I too would never be able to control the hold a horse can have over me. I have had a horse in my life since the age of 10. I am a lifer with my horses meaning once they are mine we are soulmates until the end. My first horse I had for 19 years until he was 36 and not a day went by that I didn’t rush home to see him and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.

    Unfortunately you have the disease too…..we are horse people and try as we may….they get into the deepest parts of our soul filling a hole only they can fill!! Enjoy your time with Fox!!

    • Thank you for this comment! You’re so right. It’s just so hard when I have no way of being able to take him on as a lifer. But yes, I shall enjoy every minute I get to spend with him. I count myself lucky to have been able to meet a horse with whom I have that connection.

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