Another long stint of no blogging. I know, I’m terrible. I can’t even apologise, I just don’t have the energy.
I’ve been really unwell. I still am actually. Nasty infections and antibiotics not working and the like. Horrendous. I feel like all the energy has been sapped out of me. I can’t remember not feeling drained. Just walking up stairs knocks me for six. It’s getting beyond a joke now and I’m still not better. I’m starting to get annoyed!
Enough of that though.
I had a lovely weekend in Cork with Sonny last week. We went out on the Saturday night which involved not only drinking, but dancing too. Yeah, you heard! And Sunday we went out for dinner and then to see Interstellar, which was very long, but a good movie. We spent time with a few of his friends each night which was nice despite being the only girl most of the time. There were several instances of “Oops, sorry Meg, forgot there was a lady present” which just made me laugh. Lady? I had to stop myself from looking over my shoulder for one. Such polite boys. It was nice to be with Sonny though and to see a bit more of his world up at Uni. I don’t see him as often as I’d like, and sometimes I think I get a little too used to not seeing him as I feel this strange nervousness hit me when I know he’s coming home or when I’m on my way to see him. It’s like I’m worried I’ll forget how to be with him. And then when I see him, I realise I needn’t have worried at all.
Yeah. Well thanks to being ill, Skooch has been allowed to get fat and unfit again. He’s had several weeks off while my energy levels weren’t permitting me to so much as look at him, let alone lunge or ride him. So this week I’ve really tried to pull us both back onto the wagon by working with him almost every day. His face on the first day back at work was a picture. Shock factor!
But he’s reminded me how awesome he is by picking things up well and working hard once again. He’s a good boy. Handsome too. He gave me some beautiful poses this afternoon and looked so damn cute I couldn’t decide which pictures I liked best out of a whole load that are almost the same. Silly.
Maggie is still doing brilliantly too. I lunged her the other day for the first time in ages, and she remembered everything. She took herself out onto the circle the first time I asked, and walked around perfectly. She halted immediately at my command, and after a few transitions between halt and walk she was trotting around happily too. I couldn’t quite believe how well behaved she was being. I decided to introduce her to side-reins, nice and loose obviously, to see what she made of them. She loved them! Her nose almost hit the floor she stretched down so far. After a while she was trotting around in an outline looking absolutely stunning.
I also tested out her canter, without the side reins, and while she struggled a little bit with her balance on the circle, she did really well. Of course, she didn’t understand the commands at first, but she soon worked it out and was ready to go every time. Superstar girl!
As the Halloween camp drew to a close at the end of October, things went quiet on the yard. It’s been myself, Adele, Jana and Antxa working the past couple of weeks and it’s been pretty slow going. Not because we’re slow, but because there hasn’t been masses to do. Two of our horses are up for sale, so we’ve been keeping them ticking over fitness wise, and then enjoying the others on a kind of rotation. Apart from me of course. I’ve not been doing a lot of riding at all due to the concern that my balance isn’t up to it at the moment. I’m rather worried that I’ll just slide off the other side before we even start moving. I managed to lunge in the past few days but it left me pretty wiped out.
Although wiped out just about sums up how I feel in general these days. I’m sick of it you know, just fed up. I hate this feeling, of not being myself. Of feeling like the most pathetic person in the world. It doesn’t help that I keep on letting myself panic about it. “What if these antibiotics don’t work, what then?”, “What if it’s worse than just an infection?”, “What if the doctors say I’m fine when I’m not?”
Stupid girl. Torturing myself with stupid pointless questions. It’s only because I’m scared of how ill I feel. Every passing hour is a struggle, just to stay on my feet and keep talking to people. I’m trying to keep going and just do my job, because that’s how I handle things. I just keep at it. I’m starting to wonder whether I can maintain that though. I kind of feel like I’m falling apart a little bit. I know that’s melodramatic and all, but this physical stuff that’s holding me back is affecting me mentally and I just feel like a complete wreck.
And I’m not good at this time of year anyway.
Enough. Here, enjoy Skooch instead.