Once Upon A Time…

 

…there was a girl.

Well, she was a woman really except mostly she felt like a girl because she missed the point at which she became an adult. She was there, of course, but it seemed to pass her by somehow. So she didn’t really feel like a proper grown up. This girl did a lot of different stuff. She changed her mind a lot too, so decisions were always hard to come by.

One day she decided that maybe she’d like to work with horses. No-one knew why, least of all her. Something told her it was the thing to do, at least in that moment, so she followed the inclination and studied for two years at a college designed for agricultural and outdoor studies. Horses everywhere. She was in much deeper than she realized and far beyond her comfort zone for a while. With a bit of perseverance and hard work, however, she managed to pull herself up to a manageable depth.

Within a year she was thriving, flying high on love of it all. She absorbed everything, and realized on one wonderful morning, that this was absolutely everything she wanted to do. She was happy and she knew that she had a future where she hadn’t before.

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Many things happened during that time, perhaps one of the most significant being a trip to Ireland for work experience. The following year, she was invited back to work through the summer once more. So she packed up her car, having qualified from college by this point, and returned to the Emerald Isle. To a place which held such fond memories for her. She worked for the summer and much to everyone’s pleasure, chose to remain there for the foreseeable future to manage the yard.

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Over the months that followed, she worked hard alongside her friends, keeping the horses healthy and happy. She grew in confidence, learning new things and applying her college studies regularly. She enjoyed herself most of the time, and loved seeing the progress in the horses.

As with all stories, however, there was a twist. She ended up getting ill in the autumn and for some reason her body found it hard to heal. Strength was lost and a lack of energy was all she felt for a couple of months. Her inclination to ride was gone, and her ability to do anything at all was much decreased. She was frustrated, feeling weak and stupid and pathetic.

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Gradually she began to build herself back up but by Christmas she was still less than she felt she should be. And then everything changed.

In the first week of January she came to a decision. It was time to leave Ireland and return to her home. Something deep inside her whispered “you know you can’t stay” and she realized that voice was right. Heart pounding and mouth dry, she revealed the news to her employers and friends. She dreaded their disappointment. So hard was it to tell them that she shook uncontrollably while she sat. Her voice trembled and she bit back as many tears as she could. A few escaped, but there was nothing to be done about that. To her great relief, her friends were understanding and supportive, giving her the reassurances she needed. A deep breath.

And so we come to today. The day she shares her story with the blogging world, with whatever readers she has left after her somewhat sporadic commitment to her page. She is sad, and knows it will be unimaginably hard to leave her friends behind. But she also knows that there is no other solution to her problem. Her heart is too tender to remain here, for to stay will only force the bruises deeper. She is not running away, she is not trying to escape. She is simply forcing herself to look forward rather than back. Yes, she may hide in the sanctuary of her family for a small while and lick her wounds, restore her pride and find her strength again. But after that she will focus on.

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Always on, no matter how tempting it is to look over her shoulder. She knows she cannot. She tells herself these things every day, in a bid to make things smoother. She is not convinced that it is working, but only time will tell.

And so, dear readers, I hope you feel satisfied with this latest piece of information. I have told you all I can bear to about this girls latest exploits.

I am leaving Eclipse and Ireland in February and returning home. There I will take some down time, and find a new job to continue stepping forward on my career path. My experience here has been fantastic, I cannot deny everything I have gained, not least the friendship and love from these wonderful people. But time moves us ever onward and things change. 2015 brings new battles, new experiences and new lessons.

And new stories to be told.

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