I am regaining momentum.
January was not an easy month and February has not exactly been kind. It is a relief to know that we are almost out of these unforgiving months which seem to drag on for eternity every blinking year! Not least because I am beginning to feel that the feeling is mutual and that they are less than keen on me!
Have you ever started a day and wondered how it could possibly get worse only to have it triple in ridiculous stupid things to the point that you want to bang your head on a table and cry “why me?”??
Thursday was one such day. I shan’t bore you with the lengthy and gory details but instead shall provide a comprehensive list of my fails;
Fell over with an arm full of straw – 3 witnesses
Misjudged my climb up the straw bales and got stuck – 1 witness
Put my hand (fortunately gloved) in cat shit following aforementioned undignified scramble – 1 witness
Tried to lower myself down from the straw and slipped resulting in a face plant – 1 witness
Almost fell off the dumper while trying to get on – 0 witnesses
Hit my head twice while putting straw into stables – 1 witness
Walked into stable door frame instead of exit – 0 witnesses
Tried to take straw out from my waistband (it gets literally everywhere) and succeeded only in pushing it further down my jeans – 0 witnesses.
I also ended up with soaking feet from having to show my ridiculous stallion that the big puddle was not going to eat him. Walking through it myself was apparently the only way to make him believe me. Bloody animal. Fortunately I think he has learned from the incident as he is better at going through puddles every day. Today he didn’t even try to apply the brakes first, we just banana-ed a bit before the rider (that’s me by the way) won the Battle of Direction.
It is hard, on bad days, to pick yourself up and be okay. I struggle with that sometimes and no matter how much I tell myself I have everything to be happy and grateful for, I am left with that sense of low quiet sadness.
Sometimes things turn out to be quite funny. Emma was my main witness to Thursday’s events and through her finding it all extremely amusing, I was able to see the lighter side. At times like those I an reminded of how great other people can be.
As spring approaches I can feel myself finding my momentum again. It is a slow game for me, that gradual shift into better days. It takes my mind time to adjust and to rearrange itself. By focusing on the good things, however, I am able to feel more and more like myself again. Every year I forget how much I hate winter. Every year I am shocked by how much it affects me. And every year I am so very relieved when the days get longer and the sun gets warmer and the nights are not so suffocatingly dark and cold.
I hope that Thursday and February can let me move on without feeling the need to throw any repeat performances my way. Besides, I know where the cat shit is now.
Good night kids. Dream of happy things.