In fact, I know it isn’t!
How do I know that it isn’t just me? Because I have had this conversation with people before, although I was on the other end of it. So I know that other people do understand what I’m about to say.
Ever feel like you just need to cry? You know, when you get a strange little bubble just sitting there, blocking you somehow and waiting to pop at an inappropriate moment. Sometimes it can last weeks, months, years. Other times it only sticks around for a couple of hours until “pop” everything comes spilling out. My current bubble has been sitting here for a while. Around the two week mark at the moment, give or take.
I don’t know why. I don’t know where it came from. There are so many little things that build up to create a bubble like that. And it only takes one of the tiniest things to pop it. I hate that. Because it means that I never know when it’s going to make a mess of my day! Fortunately, because I only work with one other person, if I were to burst into tears for seemingly no reason whatsoever, I wouldn’t be too mortified by it. Laura would most likely stick the kettle on and make me cuddle Frank for a bit.
Have you ever wanted the bubble to pop though? Like picking a scab or scratching a mosquito bite, you know you probably shouldn’t but at the same time, you really want to. Because sometimes it feels good to take a bit of control over your emotional state. “I’m crying because I want to okay?!” And it can be cathartic too can’t it? Sometimes, letting yourself have a good old boo is the only way to release a whole host of negative emotions that you didn’t even know you had built up. I remember having acupuncture from my grandmother and on several occasions, bursting into sudden tears without even knowing I was going to. When she asked me what was wrong, I didn’t have an answer, only that it felt good to let it out.
I feel like I kind of need that at the moment. Nothing bad is happening in my life so it might seem like I have no reason to cry. And that is very true, I don’t really. Which means actually letting go of stuff is made all the more difficult because I can’t even find something sad to dwell on to make myself cry and pop that wretched bubble with. I’m worried it’ll come out for a weird reason, seeing as I have no bad reasons. Something like, running out of milk or a horse giving me a well-timed snuggle or Daisy making a cute noise. Oh lordy.
What’s a girl to do?!